Richard Cranium

Richard Cranium is the current coach of the Mount Buller Demons.

Career
Cranium was first noticed at the Demons after a man in a grey suit wandered up to their end-of-Season 13 team photo, seating himself right in the middle and smiling giddily, as if he were someone of high importance. The photo was released by EBIAC a few days later and the corresponding name was 'Richard Cranium', causing confusion amongst the playing group, to which EBIAC clarified that he was "actually some junkie we provided with a suit and a can of soup to make us look professional."

His coaching tactics as felt during the pre-season and practice matches were, to say the least, from left-field, in comparison to other coaches; his first quarter-time address was "Tuna! Tuna, tuna, tuna! I like tuna! It's a bit like a tuba, but it's made out of fish!" However, the impact of his unusual choice of words, delivery and anything else had a directly positive impact on the playing group, turning a nine-point deficit from there to a two-point victory and, with inspiring Japanese speeches and references to Aquaman, repeating the result the next week against the West Coast Wonders. .

Though still bewildering some players with his tactics, and despite the inconvenience of losing gun on-baller and captain EBIAC after Cranium's tutelage took him to one of the best three-game bursts of form seen at the Demons for a while, Mount Buller fought and fought hard under his directive. His work with the midfielders in particular was astounding, with Eth enjoying a breakout year to win the Mobbenfuhrer Medal, tying in the best and fairest with fellow newbie Deddy, who too starred. New captain Juggalo Balla also won his first AlfAndrews Medal, and the team was in a fantastic state of mind overall, finishing second to make the finals with a double chance, winning 11 games from 17.

They won their first final over the Southern Dragons and it looked as if Cranium could take them to their first ever premiership; alas, it wasn't to be, with the team going down to the Baghdad Bombers.

Cranium's bizarre tactics were a breath of fresh air through the playing squad even throughout the start of Season 15, though a confusing one for opponents to counteract, and as often, for the Demons to execute. Nonetheless, as Mount Buller adjusted to it more, so did their opponents.

After four rounds, the Demons sat undefeated; their form since diminished. Renditions of Eiffel 65 despite his skin tone clearly being pink and doing the Nutbush with his pants around his ankles weren't enough to inspire the squad and they slumped to a fifth-placed finish, taking all of their last 13 rounds to win the same amount of games, leading to scrutiny within the inner sanctum.

With many club figures on the way out, it appeared as if the Demons' board would send him the same way; however, he threatened to 'fire his lazor', thus forcing them to reinstate him. He celebrated by climbing up each individual goal post and supergluing a solitary Croc to the top of them. Seven remain to this day; one was removed during a practice drill when Logger took a breather and began to lean on a goal post, knocking it down.

He is currently motivating himself for Season 16 by locking himself in a room for 26 hours a day, listening to Hot Chip while attempting to run the full one hundred metres in QWOP. He's made it to the hurdle 37 times, but is yet to clear it.